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Jesus Swept by James Alexander Protzman


Midwest Book Review
Jesus Swept is an entertaining story filled with enthralling characters ranging from stereotypical hippies, would be messiahs, and even Jesus himself. Spiritual, philosophical, witty, entertaining, yet respectful, "Jesus Swept" takes the world of Christianity and turns it upside down in the most entertaining way possible.


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From Chapter Four

The sweepers wake early that morning with breakfast on their brains. It takes them no time to tidy up the Airstream, load their brooms and head for Jacksonville, twenty minutes away. They park near Camp Lejeune’s main gate and start their morning ritual, walking the strip of porn shops and bars that borders the base sweeping up crud like nobody’s business.

Scanning the littered path, Jesus smiles with the certainty they’ll always have work. When he stoops to collect a bloated Pampers from the side of the road, a wave of dizzy spins him to the ground.

“Are you okay?” says Luke, pulling him up by a hand.

“Something’s happened.”

Luke straightens his glasses to study the situation. “What is it? Terrorist attack? Flu pandemic?”

The savior stumbles toward a dumpster, ignoring Luke’s questions. He slides open the door and drops the diaper, breathing in the sour of so much human waste. Luke catches up and grabs him by the arm.

“You’re s-scaring me.”

Jesus coughs from the stench. “Be not afraid.”

“Are you s-sick?”

“Someone found our bracelet.”

Markos jumps into the conversation with wide eyes. “Are you sure?”

Jesus goes blank. “Am I sure?”

“Are. You. Sure.” Marks parses the words like he’s talking to a first-grader.

“Now are we sure that thou knowest all things, and needest not that any man should ask thee,” says Luke. “By this we believe that thou camest forth from god.”

“Knock off the crap,” says Mark.

Jesus slams the dumpster shut. “Yes. I. Am. Sure.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Who has the damn thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to know,” scowls Mark. “You’re Jesus.”